paper towel tube.

hello everyone, long time no read eh?

i apologize & all that other stuff 

but well.... ok story time.

so these past couple weeks have been a little rough on me.

not like horrible but you know... rough.

 it's not anybody bullying me or anything, just me myself & I. 

(like im a loser, no friends, i'm such a photography wanna be ect.) type of thing.

& somehow I have convinced myself that all those lies are true

I'm not sure why this has happened,
but it could probably be that
 I'm just a moody teenager or something.

 .              no I'm not looking for pity or a sentence that simply states
i am a beautiful person inside & out. this is story time remember?

so anyways now that we are all clear on that lets read on. 

my aunt & uncle as well as there son & dog have been at my house for the past couple weeks,

you can guess what one i like the best.
(the dog obvi;)

it has been fun being with all of them  but my aunt & uncle decided they wanted to visit my cousin & his wife in indy this week, 

guess who they asked to 

watch there dog?  

me. & i am totes happy to do so.

so after they told me all of the  instructions i needed to take care of her they left early this morning. 

 i had a great day with her of course &

 after a while she barked whenever i left her which was annoying but also the cutest thing ever.

ok so fast forward to 1:30am... you know that it is my first night with her & 

i know that my aunt usually sleeps with her on the bed.

so i was like "aw this will be so fun & easy" & 

it was all good & dandy till about twenty minutes ago when

 i was trying to get her to fall asleep. 

it was more difficult than i expected because she found this paper towel tube

 that i guess was pretty awesome because 

it seemed there was no way she was going to go to bed anytime soon.

well after about 10 minutes she got distracted by her paw so she let go of it.

i picked it up & i put it up to my eye & looked in it to see if i could get her attention

so she would come to me, well it didn't.

 however, it got mine.

i noticed that if i looked right at her i could only see a little bit of her face 

so i continued to look at different things. tunnel vision.

i looked at little dark areas which were terrifying through that little hole. 

ok get ready for a life lesson everyone.

so back to the last past couple weeks. 

i feel like what i have been doing is focusing on the little things. 

i have tunnel vision, i can't see the big picture that God can.

all satan has to do is put little things that might not be so scary
into my view &

it can terrify me if I'm not thinking that i can trust in God who sees more than i do.

i feel like i do that too often.
i don't think about things out of my point of view,
just about that thing thats in my tube of sight.
i just pray that there will be a drastic change in my life that will finally stop this nonsense.

i guess i just have to rest in the fact that He can see what's going on in my life,
even though i have no idea what He is doing.

its late now so i should go to bed.

i know i have bad grammar but i hope you got the point.

thanks for putting up with my weirdness & having story time with me.

pray for me & ill pray for you.
xoxo